Be the Question Master

We all ask questions. “How are you?” “How’s work?” “What’s going on?” and these are just small talk questions. Typically we hear these at family gatherings or from our co-workers. But what about our kids?

We say very superficial questions like, “How was school?” or “How was your day?” We typically get the same response – “Fine.” “Good”. “Normal.” Real riveting isn’t it?

What if we changed our questions to get better answers? For example, “What was one thing that you learned today that surprised you?” or “What made you extremely happy today?” better yet, “Where did you think you could have improved today?”

Now your kids might elicit a response of, “Nothing” or “Nothing really” and lastly, “I can’t think of anything” but the conversation doesn’t have to end there. By asking follow-up questions you should be able to pull something out of them.

With the follow-up questions, don’t be pushy. But you could say something like, “Really? Nothing today was challenging? Did you complain when you got up this morning to get ready?” And by acknowledging something that was challenging they could reply with, “Yeah. You’re right. I didn’t want to get up today.”

If you have small kids, you could ask them questions about the world around them. You could ask, “How do birds make their nests?” or “What would happen if we mixed this chalk together? What color would it make?” This would allow them to explore their world and start to experiment.

The best time to ask these questions is when they are young so they will come accustomed to it and be able to dive into the conversation but if you’re a little later to the game and your kids are teenagers it might seem like pulling teeth to get them to talk.

Keep at it though. As frustrating as it is, they will open up. Don’t force it and be considerate of their feelings but keep at it. See how it goes.